Mommification - Part II

"The world is full of women blindsided bythe unceasing demands of motherhood, still flabbergasted by how a job can be terrific and tortuous. " - Anna Quindlen

Motherhood...the most wonderful yet difficult of all responsibilities taken up by a woman.....the creation and nurturing of life, the shaping of a personality and the grooming of an individual.

Joy, ecstasy, anticipation, trepidation and panic...the first nine months of the process of creation was a medley of all these emotions and more...(Read here)

But when I first held this tiny scrap of a human, all I initially felt was wonder and awe. And then I fell in love.....forever and ever, never to recover!

And now my blogger friend, Imp's Mom, asks me to jot down five things I love about being a Mom.

In a sea of emotions, when I'm asked to pick five little scoops, what do I pick?

* Becoming a more sensitive and aware human....yes. Motherhood has made me a slightly better person. More aware and sensitive of my surroundings, to the environment, fellow humans in general and more grateful to the Almighty for having given me so much...

* The sensation when I see her face lighting up with joy the moment she spots me in a crowd or after the day in her school!

* When the drama queen that she is, asks me everyday, in her mushiest of voices, "Ma can you take me in your lap and put me to sleep?" ("Ma, tumi ki amaye kole niye ghoom parate paaro?). It's a daily routine, but everyday, my heart melts hearing these words.

*And when I pick her up to put her to sleep, I love the way she wraps herself like a little octopus and while pretending to go to sleep, keeps on with her non-stop chatter. (Of course, daily, the lovey-dovey cootchie cooing ends with a whack on her bums which FINALY and ACTUALLY puts her to sleep!)

*Reliving the little moments of childhood...the joy of playing with friends, the sorrow of being brushed aside or bullied, the angst of a fight, the demands for a her favourite food (which keeps changing) in her lunch box, the playacting where she's the Mom and all her toys are her children ! It's like I'm growing up again, through her , with her....

But Motherhood is always not sugary and sweet, it is not always showering love and indulgences..their are moments of anger and frustrations, tackling unruly behaviour, stubbornness and tantrums, difficult moments and tough decisions, anxious, heart wrenching moments of illness and pain.....

As it has been said ....
"Loving a child doesn't mean giving into all his whims; to love him is to bring out the best in him, to teach him to love what is difficult"

And with this thought, the Mommified me, carries on in the wondrous journey of motherhood...where as she grows,
basking in our love,
moulded by our teachings,
imbibing the influence of her surroundings,
manifesting her inherited genetic designs,

we (SD & I) grow with her....
maturing as persons,
learning the lessons of life,
unlearning bookish sermons and
relearning the world from a different perspective altogether....


And finally, I pass on this tag to five wonderful mothers....to share 5 things they LOVE about being a MOM
Naperville Mom, Sucharita, Roshni, Reflections and Reks

Off to a new start, with a prayer on my lips....

The D-day is almost round the corner!

With the arrival of the new uniforms, new books, crispy brown paper rolls, my excitement knows no bounds!!

I can finally take a long breath and state that the raving, ranting and tension of the past few months (here and here) are officially over. There was some confusion, nail biting sessions in between when we had to choose between the two schools into which AD had got admission. The choice was made after much deliberation and head breaking ...as if it was not admission to LKG but deciding and finalising a career choice!! Huh!! (Never imagined I would become a hyper Mom!!)

So my little one is on the threshold of a new world.....a world, which along with our love, support and guidance, will shape her into the person she will grow up to be....

There will be happy moments and sad.

Good times and bad....
Moments of achievements, success and highs.
Some of disappointments, frustrations and anxious sighs.
Bitter fights, scary scoldings, taunting and teasing.
Lunch times bursting with glee....eating, sharing, games and scraped knee!
Homework & tests, exams & marks end either in
Unbridled ecstasy or despair ..oh so stark!
Inspiring teachers who make learning a joy;
And devil's incarnates will be there too...devious tactics who love to employ.
Discipline and moral science,
Bunking classes and acts of defiance.
Favourite subjects and lousy ones.
Lots of Friends and loads of fun....
School life will be all this and more.
A storehouse of knowledge, values and wisdom galore
Hope my princess grows and imbibes
all that it takes to lead a sincere and honest life...

Weekend Woes & Midweek Ecstacy

Every Saturday morning I am in a horrendous mood to put it very mildly!

While I wake up in the normal ungodly hour and drag myself into the drudgery of everyday existence, SD and AD are blissfully asleep. Believe me, all kinds of nasty thoughts flit through my mind ... thoughts of how to shake from their slumberous stupor into complete wakefulness!! But the honourable wife and mother that I am (or attempt at being), however tempting the prospect may be, I desist from letting the devil in me take control and let my better and more noble self prevail.

But every Saturday, it is indeed sheer torture to go to office while the father-daughter duo indulge in their long lazy weekend activities....and my anguish reaches almost unbearable levels when a holiday on a Friday or a Monday (which I, the overworked and underpaid, am almost always deprived of....like on Easter...sob sob sob!!) add to their weekend ecstacy.

But this time, matters are a trifle different! I have been bestowed with a midweek holiday which neither SD nor AD have...the sadistic devil within me was ecstatic for a second or two before gloom descended....
what's the fun of a holiday in an empty home....
the spice of life lies in AD's mischief and mirth (which more often than not drives me nuts),
in SD's holiday-mood-induced-sloppy presence and quiet, deadpan, humour (which predictably almost always make me lose my temper, as it is intended to),
in the topsy-turvy, untidy mess the house turns into, everytime the father-daughter are at home (which again makes me shout out, in my most disciplinarian intonation, to retain orderliness and is ALWAYS ignored!) .

The laughter, the noise, the fights, the squabble, the medley of scattered toys-paints-crayons-newspaper-laptops, the special aroma from the 'holiday' kitchen are what our holidays are all about!

So on a midweek holiday, in an empty, orderly, silent house, what am I supposed to do?

Let's see.....maybe indulge in some me-time, pamper myself silly at a fancy parlour, or have a girls' day out with some friends, or JUST spend time sleeping late and lazing around!!!!

Adieu Babyhood!

Adieu Babyhood, Welcome Girlhood!
Today I'm a wee bit sad. Yet happy. Strange we are and strange are our mixed feelings which more often than not defy logic!
Today my baby shed the last remnant of her babyhood. The thrill was there indeed but a twinge of sadness enveloped it.
AD has been an early talker and a coherent and logical one at that. At the age of three years four months, she not only speaks fluently but often (to my utter amazement and at times shock & despair) argues vehemently, and often cracks jokes. But despite these precocious tendencies, the babyhood was firmly in its place due to the lisping of the ‘R’s into ‘L’s. Like a Rose would be a Lose, a Rabbit would be a Labbit and so on.
In her make believe world, where she’s the perennial Hanuman (and sometimes Mowgli), and SD oscillates between ‘Ram’ - ‘Ravana’ (and ‘Sher Khan’-'Baloo'), the battles between Hanuman (or Mowgli) and Ravana (or Sher Khan) are fought valiantly during many a bedtime with the pillows and bedsheets doubling up as the pseudo-killer weapons, the war cry of “Lavana” (or SHEL Khan)!!! would have us into splits.
Today during one such bedtime ritual between father-daughter, I stopped in my steps when I heard a distinct RAVANA instead of the usual LAVANA!
I couldn’t believe my ears.
I turned to AD and asked her to name her favourite flower and crystal clear came her reply “ROSE” and not the expected “LOSE”.
Thrilled instantly that the baby lisp was cured, the mother in me suddenly descended into gloom…my baby’s growing up and growing up too fast.
I was already missing the lovable lilting "Ling-a-ling-a-loses…” and "Lound and Lound the Mulbelly bush....."
Goodbye babytalk! Welcome girlietalk!

Bibliography

Hanuman, Ram, Ravan - Characters in the Indian Epic RAMANAYA.

Mowgli, Baloo, Sher Khan-Characters in Jungle Book.

Mommification-Part 1

A mundane activity like an enrollment into an online community 'Mom Bloggers Club' brought back a rush of memories...

I was never the maternal kind though I always loved babies. Others' babies... My cousins' kids, friends' kids, the neighbours' kids. Till I was well into my twenties, the thought never occured to me as to how I would react to being a mother myself. However, contradictory though it may sound, that I would have a child was never even a question in my mind. Call it social conditioning or a latent feminine instinct, I knew I would.
So when I conceived, elation, excitement and happiness were the prevailing emotions during the whole tenure of 9 months. Maybe the pampering and love & care I received from all my loved ones and well wishers contributed greatly to my consistent positive state of mind througout the period.

Well there was a short break in this uniformly hunky-dory state of affairs!
Just a day prior to my scheduled Caesarian Operation, the day after the Doc gave the verdict that Caesarian it would be, the fact hit me that life wouldnt be the same anymore.
All of a sudden a black cloud eclipsed the excitement, the nervous-anticipation, the euphoria of planning, that had been the flavour of the past nine months. A claustrophobic fear gripped me, assaulting me almost physically, terrifying me at the thought of a cataclysmic change creating havoc in my usual orderly life. The gargantuan responsibility of a human being would be on me. Just as I ran to my Mom at the slightest hint of a problem, to the tiny scrap of a human being who would be arriving the next day, I would be expected to be the SuperMom with all the answers. I shuddered involuntarily......
Believe me, that one day was sheer torture. SD took me on a long drive to calm my nerves, and followed it up with a nonsensical movie to distract me. He was only partially successful.

The long, depressing day ended. Like the new dawn, I woke up...refreshed, rejuvenated and happy. My change of mood surprised me the most. The depression of the day before seemed like a forgettable nightmare. The day began on a beautiful and auspicious note. The autumn weather was at its best. The Kaash Phool swaying in the wind, the azure blue sky and the fleecy white clouds bathed in the soft golden sunlight were sending out a cheerful note of optimism all around as if nature was all geared up to welcome the DEVI in all its splendour. What better day to welcome the life within me to Planet Earth? That beautiful Autumn Day transformed my life forever...with a change of status...from a Woman/Wife/Daughter/Sister to MOTHER of my princess!

I was MOMMIFIED for life!

Bibliography :

Devi - Devi is the Sanskrit of Goddess. Here it means Devi Durga, a manifestation of Shakti, who is worshipped during September-October.

Kaash Phool - A seasonal grass with white flowers which bloom during Autumn. A common sight in Bengal and signals that Durga Pujas are just a few days away.

Mothering HANUMAN

Remember my blog entry on School Admissions?
Well…the tension has now reached a peak.
The actual interviews / interaction sessions have begun. And my worst fears are all coming true.
* For 30-40 seats, there are about 1500 applicants, if not more.
* My daughter’s unpredictability is on the rise.
School No.1: She refused to say hello. And that’s not all, upon being offered candies, not only did she grab a handful, she wouldn’t say THANK YOU! We were red-faced with embarrassment.
We didn’t want to create a scene and left it at that. On our way back, when I asked her why she was so unresponsive, her casual “I wasn’t in the mood for conversation” (Kotha bolar mood chhilo na) left me dumbstruck.
School No.2 : While going to the school, I was having my usual chat with my little girl. The normal stuff we talk about everyday on our way to and from her playschool but in a slightly more structured manner....like her name and colours and other stuff she may be asked in the interview. She was particpating in her normal enthusiastic manner. I was relieved but the butterflies kept fluttering in my tummy...

When in the room, the friendly teacher, after the initial greetings, asked my daughter her name. After the initial silence, she looked up with an impish grin, her eyes gleaming with mischief and proclaimed “I’m Hanu!!!!!” I CRINGED and nudged her. She clarified in a louder voice..”I’m Hanuman, this is Sita-Ma(pointing towards me) and that’s Ravan (pointing towards my husband)”
The teacher, after a momentary pause, burst out laughing and commented “very imaginative..she's very fond of Ramayana, is she?”

Interviews for School No.3 and 4 are scheduled for next week.

Would you still say that my hypertension is unfounded???

Bibliography

Hanuman : The Monkey God. An important personality in the Indian epic Ramayana.

Ravan : The villain in the Indian epic Ramayana. His ten-headed persona fascinates my little girl

Sita-Ma : The wife of Sri Rama in the Indian epic Ramanayana.

Ramblings.....

At the onset wish you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR! Albeit a belated one..

Had been away from blogsphere the past three weeks. Reason? Nothing in general....didnt have the urge to peep into my cyberden. Not that there weren’t any topics to discuss....
Lot of events took place, especially in the India Inc scenario..and the skeletons continue to tumble out even as I write.. but I guess more than enough has been and is being written and spoken about the same.

Frankly I have nothing in particular to jot down.
A holiday midweek (Pongal) is indeed a bonus. So I guess I'll indulge myself and just ramble ....

Yesterday evening, as is my normal routine, I was talking to my Mother over phone and she was expressing regret that we were not around to have the goodies she was preparing on the occasion of 'Poush Sankranti'. As I kept the phone down, and continued with the normal chores, I kept thinking of the regret in her voice.....

Ours is a family where cooking is considered almost fine art. And in both my maternal as well as paternal sides of the family, there is an unwritten rule whereby cooking is not considered a chore but an art form which is ‘performed’ by the 'Kortree' of the family. Coincidentally both my grandmothers were famous in their respective extended families as great cooks and hostesses. My mother and aunts have upheld the tradition to a very large extent. For that matter I guess Bengalis, in general, are foodlovers and Cooking, Feeding others and Eating a wide variety of great food are intrinsic part of the Bong tradition. I guess none but Bongs will spend hours debating, analyzing and in general discussing the finer nuances of the culinary experience.

As for me, I have inherited the love for good food but unlike my grandmothers, mother and aunts, I do not love cooking to distraction. However, thank God that the genes did not desert me completely and despite my lack of fondness for cooking, I can dish out edible and at most times moderately tasty food!!!
Whenever I delegate a portion of the daily cooking to my maid, I do feel a twinge of guilt at not being 100% sincere in carrying on the family tradition..!!

Well, coming back to where I started .... yesterday's conversation with Ma brought back memories of the 'Poush Parbon' celebrations back at home.

What is Poush Parbon in Bengal, is Bihu in Assam, Lohri in the north and Pongal in the South... Traditionally a rural festival celebrated down the ages throughout India, whereby the winter harvest is ushered in with joyous ceremony, now these are social festivities celebrated in moderation in many an urban family.

In Bengal, on the ocassion of Poush Parbon (also known as Poush Sankranti), sweet dishes made of inherently agrarian ingredients like rice flour, coconut, sweet potatoes, datepalm jaggery (patali gur) are used to dish out mouthwatering delicacies. In various nooks and corners of the country, variations of such sweet delights are served during this time of the year. It is inherently a celebration of India’s agrarian roots.

As families are getting scattered, extended families gradually becoming distant memories, our children are growing up in a nuclear world. Rituals and traditions which we took for granted during our growing up years are becoming rarer by the day.

While we are busy embracing the world and are becoming global citizens, we are gradually losing our rich culture, tradition, folklore which lend India its distinct characteristic so unique in the whole wide world.

Being the impulsive person I am, it struck me, that as a mother, I HAD to do something to familiarize my child with atleast glimpses of the traditions I grew up with. This being my maiden independent effort, I was not too adventurous or ambitious. Hence I decided to try out the easiest of the lot of pitheys..i.e Patishapta. And incidentally I had all the required ingredients at home. Reconfirming the recipe from my mother, I got down to work.

Well….the day is over, the patishaptas having been gobbled up and here I am rambling away aimlessly..
But the satisfaction that we all derived eating the hot, moist and soft patishaptas was worth every minute of the few hours spent slogging in the kitchen,

Long live our exotic local delicacies!!!

Bibliography

Poush Sankranti - Poush sankranti or Makar sankranti is a nationwide celebration to usher in the winter harvest. It also marks the Sun's passage from Capricorn to Aquarius and is a very auspicious day in the Hindu calendar.

Kortree - First Lady of the Joint Family who reigns over the inner domains of the home

Patishapta - A sweet dish. Pan Cakes made of Rice flour+all-purpose flour with a filling made of coconut and jaggery

Trivia or Truth? A peek into our 'Education Industry'

In India there is a myth….which may also be interpreted as a joke. That when you conceive your baby, you register her/his name in the school or playschool of your choice to ensure admission a couple of years thereafter.

That it is a myth or a joke, was a misinformation.
It is neither... Well, at the most it is an exaggeration...but definitely not a myth neither a joke!

I realized this recently when my daughter completed three years and we started enquiring about schools. Browsing through the websites of various reputed school, another fact which hit me was that in some cities of our country (in my hometown of Kolkata, for example), she would have lost an academic year because she falls short of the ‘CUT OFF’ date for admission by 4 days!!!

Yes! Had she been born 4 days earlier she would have gained a year, at least academically!!

If only I knew, I would have asked the doctor to advance the Caesarian operation by four days ! Huh!!!! What a joke!

Yes, in our country that is what school admission procedure is all about.
Well to make matters worse, in some (read ALL METROS) cities, money is the solution to all hurdles of education. The more you ‘donate’ the better the school your child gets admission in. A Lakh or so for your three year old!!! Too expensive? Who cares.....

And of course I forgot the recommendation part….an MP, MLA, or for that matter any ‘angootha-chhap’ politician or someone with some clout in the society or government will make the admission process a cake walk.

The admission process begins in another day or two…commencing with the form distribution, followed by interview (of the parents and their two and a half to three year old unpredictable, temperamental kids!).

I am tensed and anxious! My husband is cool and unperturbed! And the person (albeit a miniature one but a person she sure is!) in question, whose academic future or non-future is to be determined in a month or so, is NOT EVEN AWARE that the first judgemental event of her life is about to happen.
I guess, amongst the three, the onus of worrying and anxiety falls on me…!!!!

Bibliography:

Angootha chhap-A Hindi terminology used colloquially to imply illiterate individuals who place thumb impressions on written documents in lieu of signatures

Tears

Last night I cried.
No, I was not struck by tragedy. Neither was any member of my family and friends…for which I thank God!
We are unharmed by the horror that ripped apart so many lives and shattered hundreds of families. But still ...despite being apparently unscathed, I could not stop my tears from flowing....
I cried while struggling to put my three year old child to sleep.
I cried looking at my sleeping baby.
I cried thinking of a two year old motherless child in a faraway land who was forced to become ‘the child of the entire nation’.
I cried thinking of the times he would want a mother to play with, be mischievous and throw tantrums typical of a toddler….but wont have the indulgent mother looking on.
I cried thinking of the pampering, scolding, admonishing that a two year old is subjected to by loving parents but which he’ll be deprived of.
I cried as he will not even have the memory of his mother’s love, father’s care…
I cried for an unknown orphan in a faraway land.
I shivered in fear as I looked down at the other sleeping child cocooned and safe in her mother’s lap.
Is she safe?
Are any of our children safe even in the haven of their homes?