Mommification - Part II

"The world is full of women blindsided bythe unceasing demands of motherhood, still flabbergasted by how a job can be terrific and tortuous. " - Anna Quindlen

Motherhood...the most wonderful yet difficult of all responsibilities taken up by a woman.....the creation and nurturing of life, the shaping of a personality and the grooming of an individual.

Joy, ecstasy, anticipation, trepidation and panic...the first nine months of the process of creation was a medley of all these emotions and more...(Read here)

But when I first held this tiny scrap of a human, all I initially felt was wonder and awe. And then I fell in love.....forever and ever, never to recover!

And now my blogger friend, Imp's Mom, asks me to jot down five things I love about being a Mom.

In a sea of emotions, when I'm asked to pick five little scoops, what do I pick?

* Becoming a more sensitive and aware human....yes. Motherhood has made me a slightly better person. More aware and sensitive of my surroundings, to the environment, fellow humans in general and more grateful to the Almighty for having given me so much...

* The sensation when I see her face lighting up with joy the moment she spots me in a crowd or after the day in her school!

* When the drama queen that she is, asks me everyday, in her mushiest of voices, "Ma can you take me in your lap and put me to sleep?" ("Ma, tumi ki amaye kole niye ghoom parate paaro?). It's a daily routine, but everyday, my heart melts hearing these words.

*And when I pick her up to put her to sleep, I love the way she wraps herself like a little octopus and while pretending to go to sleep, keeps on with her non-stop chatter. (Of course, daily, the lovey-dovey cootchie cooing ends with a whack on her bums which FINALY and ACTUALLY puts her to sleep!)

*Reliving the little moments of childhood...the joy of playing with friends, the sorrow of being brushed aside or bullied, the angst of a fight, the demands for a her favourite food (which keeps changing) in her lunch box, the playacting where she's the Mom and all her toys are her children ! It's like I'm growing up again, through her , with her....

But Motherhood is always not sugary and sweet, it is not always showering love and indulgences..their are moments of anger and frustrations, tackling unruly behaviour, stubbornness and tantrums, difficult moments and tough decisions, anxious, heart wrenching moments of illness and pain.....

As it has been said ....
"Loving a child doesn't mean giving into all his whims; to love him is to bring out the best in him, to teach him to love what is difficult"

And with this thought, the Mommified me, carries on in the wondrous journey of motherhood...where as she grows,
basking in our love,
moulded by our teachings,
imbibing the influence of her surroundings,
manifesting her inherited genetic designs,

we (SD & I) grow with her....
maturing as persons,
learning the lessons of life,
unlearning bookish sermons and
relearning the world from a different perspective altogether....


And finally, I pass on this tag to five wonderful mothers....to share 5 things they LOVE about being a MOM
Naperville Mom, Sucharita, Roshni, Reflections and Reks

Marriage, Misery or Mockery!

As the phone screamed out, shattering the afternoon stillness, I had no choice but to receive it. At least to stop its deafening cacophony. The sleep induced dazed mind was brought to consciousness by the high pitched voice on the other end. It suited a heady teenager more than a mom of a preteen. It was my friend R. I responded groggily, my Sunday slumberous intonation clearly giving away my activity! But the news filtering through my comatose grey cells galvanized me into the sitting position and we both, after an initial bout of silly giggles, reverted to our more sensible selves. Realisation dawned that it was not a laughing matter and a sensation of hollowness and a strange helplessness pervaded my being! Why, we discussed, was this farce being allowed to happen and the repercussions of this on all concerned !

This is about P...someone we knew from our growing up years. He was getting married next month and his engagement had already been held a week back.

Later, as I sat sipping tea on a quiet, still afternoon….memories of P kept flitting across. I remember him clearly.... a funny, entertaining fellow but different from the rest. After college got over, whatever little association we had with P, came to an end too. However, we knew vaguely what he was doing, where he was working etc etc. But it was his difference that would come up in our conversations from time to time.....
Though academically superlative and professionally successful, P was remembered by us for being a comical caricature...he himself had proudly narrated how popular he had been during his school days-enacting roles and mouthing dialogues of the reigning silverscreen queens! College was no different and he continued his exaggerated performances.

P was unambiguously effeminate…the walk, the talk, the gestures and facial expression.
Intelligent as he was, he loved (or so it appeared to us) to showcase his difference and seemed to bask in the misplaced attention he received! Leg-pulling, ridicule, crude comments never detered him.

He had the guts to be himself, indifferent to whether society laughed at him or with him ..

To me, a staunch introvert, this quality of his never failed to amaze me.....that he could laugh at himself and knew how to use the jokes and ridicule to his advantage by being in the limelight wherever he was! He was completely uninhibited and at ease with himself.

Back then, most of the guys would be in and out of love, infatuations, but not P. As a matter of fact no one expected him to fall in love in the ‘normal’ way. He never discussed this aspect of life....

So, even as many of us got married, and some confirmed bachelors continued living their bachelor lives, and some were too busy with careers to spare time for a family life, P always stayed clear of relationships of any kind. At least none in the public eye.

So news of his forthcoming marriage was shocking! The intricate details left me reeling and sad. Here was this 30 something fellow...successful and well settled in life, whose sexual preference was definitely NOT hetero; but emotional blackmailing by parents had forced him to sacrifice himself at the alter of popular preference. He has supposedly informed his parents not to expect anything more from him other than marrying the girl of their choice at the given date…his duty ended with that and the welfare of the girl was to be the parents’ responsibility!!!

I wonder what happened to the guy who was comfortable in his own skin and had the guts to be himself! I dont remember having known the escapist hypocrite who shielded the truth...but ten years is a long time and social stigma and parental pressure to conform to norms must have taken its toll...

And then what of this girl who was his fiancé? This girl, rather woman, of affluent background, was not only highly qualified, but a high-flying career woman. So what had compelled such a woman to agree to enter this farce of a relationship? Feigning ignorance regarding P was impossible as one just had to spend a few minutes in his company to know....

The woman’s point of view intrigued me more. Was she too succumbing to parental / social pressures of some kind?

Why is marriage so important in our society? And at what cost?

If even the well-educated, well-heeled and urban population are reduced to being mere puppets to unwritten social norms and would rather live a life of lies, hypocrisy, compromise and escapism, what happens to the less fortunate of the society!