Saturday, February 21, 2009
HAPPINESS is no more.....
She was my ex-colleague's only child.
One day of fever....normal at any age
Consulation with doctors the next day....normal routine whenever someone isnt well
Declared dead within 15 minutes of 'checkup' (the staff tried to give oxygen followed by administration of IVF) by the doctor's team where parents were not allowed, despite the child yelling for them ...Abnormal
Death Certificate claiming it to be Dengue....Abnormal
As a mother who has had the misfortune of seeing her 11 month child suffer in dengue, I know for sure that Dengue cannot be detected in a day and cannot be confirmed without specific bloodtests.
A wrong treatment resulting in a death. Who do we blame?
A system gaping with loopholes ?
Callous, incompetent and mercernary doctors ?
A case can be filed against the hospital and doctor. And ought to be.
But who will do it?
-The shocked and traumatised father who still hasnt come to terms with his tragedy and still walks around talking to the daughter he had taken walking, to the doctor's clinic?
-Or the mother who sits silent and dazed ...her eyes devoid of any emotion?
HAPPINESS is dead. Her parents' lives have come to a standstill.
But the hospital and doctors continue to do their 'business' of licensed killing.
**-The child's name meant HAPPINESS in Sanskrit
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Ma was pleasantly surprised as I was never famous for my LOVE for cooking like she or most women of my family are.
But the idea was triggered when I had to make a particular dish which I had made only once before but couldnt find the recipe when I needed it the most....
So I thought why not just maintain an online diary and make a blog out of it!
But who would know that a normal blog and a food blog were not the same ball game!!!
A food blog required detailed photographs of ingredients, pics of the in-process activies and of course, of the end product in a well presented way!
So while cooking, I had my faithful camera with me in the kitchen, right by the side of the vegetables-spices-knife-wok and was clicking away furiously while cooking and chopping! SD found it hilarious and called it my new craze. AD was perplexed and asked 'Ma, are you cooking the camera?'
Today dinner was served an hour late as my simultaneous activity of chopping-mixing-clicking-cooking took a tad bit long! And to add to the self-inflicted woe, M has gone off to Kolkata for ten days on an emergency visit to her village.
So pandemonium reigns supreme at home and more particularly in my kitchen as the new whim is on in full swing....let's see how long this lasts!!!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Monday, February 09, 2009
Today I'm a wee bit sad. Yet happy. Strange we are and strange are our mixed feelings which more often than not defy logic!
Today my baby shed the last remnant of her babyhood. The thrill was there indeed but a twinge of sadness enveloped it.
AD has been an early talker and a coherent and logical one at that. At the age of three years four months, she not only speaks fluently but often (to my utter amazement and at times shock & despair) argues vehemently, and often cracks jokes. But despite these precocious tendencies, the babyhood was firmly in its place due to the lisping of the ‘R’s into ‘L’s. Like a Rose would be a Lose, a Rabbit would be a Labbit and so on.
In her make believe world, where she’s the perennial Hanuman (and sometimes Mowgli), and SD oscillates between ‘Ram’ - ‘Ravana’ (and ‘Sher Khan’-'Baloo'), the battles between Hanuman (or Mowgli) and Ravana (or Sher Khan) are fought valiantly during many a bedtime with the pillows and bedsheets doubling up as the pseudo-killer weapons, the war cry of “Lavana” (or SHEL Khan)!!! would have us into splits.
Today during one such bedtime ritual between father-daughter, I stopped in my steps when I heard a distinct RAVANA instead of the usual LAVANA!
I couldn’t believe my ears.
I turned to AD and asked her to name her favourite flower and crystal clear came her reply “ROSE” and not the expected “LOSE”.
Thrilled instantly that the baby lisp was cured, the mother in me suddenly descended into gloom…my baby’s growing up and growing up too fast.
I was already missing the lovable lilting "Ling-a-ling-a-loses…” and "Lound and Lound the Mulbelly bush....."
Goodbye babytalk! Welcome girlietalk!
Sunday, February 08, 2009
I was never the maternal kind though I always loved babies. Others' babies... My cousins' kids, friends' kids, the neighbours' kids. Till I was well into my twenties, the thought never occured to me as to how I would react to being a mother myself. However, contradictory though it may sound, that I would have a child was never even a question in my mind. Call it social conditioning or a latent feminine instinct, I knew I would.
So when I conceived, elation, excitement and happiness were the prevailing emotions during the whole tenure of 9 months. Maybe the pampering and love & care I received from all my loved ones and well wishers contributed greatly to my consistent positive state of mind througout the period.
Just a day prior to my scheduled Caesarian Operation, the day after the Doc gave the verdict that Caesarian it would be, the fact hit me that life wouldnt be the same anymore.
All of a sudden a black cloud eclipsed the excitement, the nervous-anticipation, the euphoria of planning, that had been the flavour of the past nine months. A claustrophobic fear gripped me, assaulting me almost physically, terrifying me at the thought of a cataclysmic change creating havoc in my usual orderly life. The gargantuan responsibility of a human being would be on me. Just as I ran to my Mom at the slightest hint of a problem, to the tiny scrap of a human being who would be arriving the next day, I would be expected to be the SuperMom with all the answers. I shuddered involuntarily......
Believe me, that one day was sheer torture. SD took me on a long drive to calm my nerves, and followed it up with a nonsensical movie to distract me. He was only partially successful.
The long, depressing day ended. Like the new dawn, I woke up...refreshed, rejuvenated and happy. My change of mood surprised me the most. The depression of the day before seemed like a forgettable nightmare. The day began on a beautiful and auspicious note. The autumn weather was at its best. The Kaash Phool swaying in the wind, the azure blue sky and the fleecy white clouds bathed in the soft golden sunlight were sending out a cheerful note of optimism all around as if nature was all geared up to welcome the DEVI in all its splendour. What better day to welcome the life within me to Planet Earth? That beautiful Autumn Day transformed my life forever...with a change of status...from a Woman/Wife/Daughter/Sister to MOTHER of my princess!
Devi - Devi is the Sanskrit of Goddess. Here it means Devi Durga, a manifestation of Shakti, who is worshipped during September-October.
Kaash Phool - A seasonal grass with white flowers which bloom during Autumn. A common sight in Bengal and signals that Durga Pujas are just a few days away.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Life has been terribly boring of late. Well, not quite. Friday - Saturday were quite different - exciting, if I may say so. Saturday was spent celebrating Saraswati Puja and especially AD’s ‘Haathe Khori’ or formal initiation into education with the blessings of the Goddess of Learning. Friday evening was spent in doing the preparation and groundwork for the religious fervour we were subjected to the next day.
Realisation dawned on me that I was growing old. How else could I explain, why all of a sudden I had become such a sucker for tradition and ritual!! Agreed, I never was an atheist or the ridiculously rebellious kind. But I don’t remember being a stickler for the intricate rituals associated with our Pujas and Prasad preparations. In the past I was quite happy being the onlooker. Was it the parenting bug within me which was making me do all this under its spell? Just to ensure that AD grows up with bits and pieces of tradition....who knows?
Well, all went well...except the fact that the three hour long puja ritual during which it was mandatory to sit on the floor cross-legged left my legs and feet numb and subsequently aching! Another proof of my advancing years!!!
Though winter was conspicuous by its total absence from this city, at least the last few months were pleasant. With February just having begun, one would expect a few more weeks of pleasant evenings. But Global Warming or sheer callousness of the weather Gods, whichever way one looks at it, Summer has set in!! Fans and Air-conditioners have begun their round the clock duties!!
Wonder if this trailer to the scorching summer months ahead, has anything to do with my dysfunctional brain cells!!